WWOOOOO What a season! Full of everything that makes fantasy football worth playing. Close games, questionable trades, and all the shit talking you would hope to expect from a group of degenerates like yourselves. Out of all that has happened this year and taking into account our storied history, a full accounting of what transpired would be impossible, so lets take a look at the three most important story lines in the last week.
To Devon. How does one fall from grace so quickly? A former champion disgraced and humiliated in front of his peers. Well.... I say peers, but as it stands now your peers are relegated to perennial losers like the Browns. I'll define:
Perennial losers are people who suck basically all the time. They don't realize they suck because they often delude themselves by clinging to some distant past event to justify their existence.
Holy Fuck, that has your name written ALL over it. You know, one of the shittiest things about losing is having your name associated with it, like a stink that you just cant wash off. What do you think of when you hear the name Salty Dee? Fame? Money? Glory? Fuck and No. No, when you hear the name Salty Dee you think of black clouds raining fire onto dead hobos. So allow me to welcome our newest Golden Douche with all the ceremony that he deserves.... Eat Shit.
To Nate. A cinderella season where a 7-6 team made it all the way to the Championship. Boy, your hopes must have been riding high going into that final game. Just a skinny bundle of nerves setting your patchy, prepubescent beard all aquiver. Unfortunately even with all of your preparation and prayers you will not be walking away a champion this year. Scoring 40 points in the championship game will never get you a ring. Scoring 40 points in a game will never get you any accolades. It will, as I'm sure you can attest, get you a skull fucking the likes of which that will go down in history. Your team is bad and you should feel bad.
To Chris. Lets hear it for our Champion! You not only drafted extremely well but out of the four trades you accepted this year, you won three of them. What a wonderful holiday you must have had. Winning a ring, a title, and being balls deep in Nate at the same time must have been your personal heaven. I'd imagine that in the long, cold winter of old age, as you loving caress the symbol of your only taste of victory, a fleeting memory of Nate's perpetually wan visage will float into view, bringing with it the satisfaction of a fucking done well. You won a championship Chris, you need no praise from me. Please take your ring and put it in your butt, I'm done here.
That's all for this year guys. I hope you have all enjoyed reading this as much as I have had writing it. I look forward to seeing everyone at the championship dinner. It doesn't even matter that I missed the playoffs this year, I'm not mad at all. Thank you all for playing and until next year....