HOLY FUCK BALLS!! I AM PUMPED! Finally, after what seems like an eon, its time for some football! Is it my imagination or does the food taste a little better? The world appear a little more in focus? The shit talking a little less reserved? GODDAMN I FEEL ALIVE!
Maybe its just the fact that almost nothing happened this off season. Lets see the highlights:
A new year is upon us and it brings some new faces with it. Please join me i welcoming our newest league mates Jesse and Nate. You both have now joined one of the most prestigious groups in all the land. A fraternity where the only thing that exceeds its generosity is its acceptance of all peoples regardless of race [Addison], gender [Addison?], or sexual disposition [Fucking Addison]. We've got a ring damn it. So congratulations to you both, we all hope you have a fun year with us.
In other news The Golden Douche is up for grabs again this year, along with a new trophy Ive affectionately dubbed "the Brady", which will be awarded to the team with the lowest one week score. We also will see the first ever Mankini Bowl. Chris and Kyle have bet their starting line up total season points against each other with the loser washing the winners car in a bikini. I can't tell you how much Jesse is looking forward to it. Make sure to leave any comments at the bottom, like us on facebook, 'cause you fuckers will like anything, and in closing:
A form of punishment wherein an employee fucks up beyond the reprimand of a warning and is put on a disciplinary leave of absence with or without pay.
"Where's Kyle this week?" "Oh he opened the store 2 hours late so boss put him on a Shamecation."
Game 1: Jesse 136 vs Rob 108- With the highest scoring team of the week, Jesse goes off with all but 2 of his players putting up double digit points. Leading the charge is A.j.Green with 24, while C.Newton and L.Fitzgerald both put up 20.
Game 2: Devon 109 vs Anthea 87- Devon plays A.Luck who comes back with a vengance to score 35 this week helping out his kicker D.Bailey with 17. Anthea makes a great play with D.Johnson who adds 18, but could not overcome her Cheifs D. with 0.
Game 3: Addison 106 vs Kira 85- Addison gets a stellar performance from C.Hyde with 20, although he didn't need it to defeat Kira. She puts up one of the lowest scores this week with a strange outing from T.Gurley only putting up 4. Its a good thing she added W.Snead with 23 or I think we might have had a week one contender for The Brady.
Game 4: Nate 122 vs Kyle 104- One of the tightest games this week, Kyle was leading all the way up to Monday night when Nate finally chugged ahead [not "a head", haha...alliteration!] and with the help of D.Williams 28 was finally able to put Kyle to bed. Kyle for his part got 25 from S.Ware but it was negated by 0 from C.Fleener.
Game 5: A.L.T. 107 vs Chris- Chris appeared to be sitting pretty after C.J.Anderson ran for 25 points on Thursday, far and away the leader that day. Unfortunately for him only two more of his starters put up points in the double digits, while the A.L.T. [All League Team, name subject to change] gets a total of 107. So I need you to do something Chris, I need you to get your shit together.
WHAT IS GREEN CHECKERED FLAVOR?? THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES!